Blasphemous Whipper-snappers

Ask the WDG Friday

"While perusing your blog recently, I noticed that you included in one post that you wished a return of the fedora. I would appreciate if you would include some rules for the use of a fedora. For example I have recently seen a re-emergence of the fedora, however it isn't the great expected reemergence but rather I've seen pre to young teens with cruddy jeans, t-shirts and flip flops out and about in a black and white checkered fedora. In my humble opinion such abuse of the fedora is tantamount to blasphemy. I look forward to continued reading of you blog. Sincerely, Michael" Reading this missive aloud--or "allowed" as many of today's youngsters write it--I became immediately aware of a tremendous crash, which, reverberating twice around the house, caused me to part ways with half of my martini. After a bit of top-quality sleuthing I discovered it originated in the kitchen. Jeeves was still laying on the floor amidst an array of pots, tubes of silver polish and kippers. OK, so that didn't happen really, but the thing is, it could. Every valet or butler that I know--and everyone knows I don't know any--would need emergency medical treatment after reading such a report. Alas, Michael is johnny-on-the-spot with his critique of these Fedora-wearing knaves. The Great Fedora Reemergence--as prophesied by Nostradamus--is surely not present in a jeans/flip flops/t-shirt combo. How should a gentleman wear a Fedora? A fedora goes with a suit, or a suit jacket or blazer/dress-pants combination, or possibly (this is my own rule, and I admit I could be wrong in this) when one is wearing dress pants, a sweater and a jacket of some sort; otherwise, minus a jacket, in this case I lean toward wearing an English driving cap. Anything less than such an outfit requires either something like an English driving cap, or a baseball cap. Trying to imagine someone in jeans, a t-shirt, flip-flops AND a Fedora is something I don't advise, since this can cause a seizure; actually seeing such an outfit can cause nausea, shrinking of the eye balls, swelling of the eyelids and even paralysis in severe cases of sartorial blasphemy. I don't even know what to say of a black and white checkered Fedora. I just looked up a photo of one. Wow. How can anyone see that and believe evil does not exist? The most common and universal Fedora colors are Brown, Black, Dark Grey,Light grey and white. There are various color configurations that work as well, though obviously I don't believe the black and white checkered is one of them. These solid colors are great because they can go with so many ensembles. I have merely a brown and a light grey (actually "silver belly"), and almost all my suits match one of them. I could surely use black, white and dark grey fedoras, but a gentleman must be patient in building up his wardrobe. There is one last detail in the above missive that really cannot be ignored. That issue is: flip-flops and sandals. For goodness sakes--leave sandals to children and females; flip-flops I think are for females alone. I don't know what else I can add to that--these types of footwear just look terrible on men. Quite ungentlemanly indeed. In a word, it's madness. [one caveat though--I'm speaking of Western society only; I have no expertise at all in the clothing traditions of other cultures.] Cheerio!