Oh, the Horror!

Some articles of gentlemanly clothing cause people to stare.

Others are fodder for comment, such as, "My dear fellow, you look like an ass." This has nothing to do with how a donkey dresses, although, compared to some, they dress rather dapper; no, it has to do with a stubbornness that leads a fellow to dress like a lad that missed 12 out of the 13 required classes at clown school. That's not to suggest that clowns dress well; let us not even ponder mimes (suffice to say, some theologians suggest that mimes are a direct result of original sin).

Then there is the rare article of clothing that has an explosive effect: women scream, swoon, even faint; men walk by with wide eyes, mouths agape, grumbling about propriety and the good ol' days; children either laugh, run away, or have their eyes covered by their mums hands (unless they fainted, in which case the tots have their eyes covered by an invisible wall, courtesy the nearest mime). The whole dashed thing is scandalous! Crowds have gathered, and so have the police. Nice going, Mr. John Hetherington. Was it worth it? All this fuss because you just had to wear that new creation of yours--The Top Hat.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid the above tale is true, and in fact took place in the 1840's. Yes, once in a while, a London hat maker--perhaps because of the thick, yellow air of coal fires and gas light--would go off his onion. I mean, have any of them, in modern times, come up with some fruity, corker of an idea for a new hat style? No, not a one really, not since the advent of wide-spread electrical use. Coincidence?

It doesn't matter. The point is this--are any one of us fool enough to wear a top hat today--not for a wedding, not with morning dress, but with an everyday suit of some sort--probably with a bow tie? I admit, I would love to wear a top hat--like Sherlock Holmes, or even Watson for goodness sakes. I mean, you look at painting or photos from back in the day and they're wearing toppers, and they look awesome. Debonair, dashing, powerful, in a word, manly. Sadly, the only modern examples I can think of, who wear a top hat of some type, outside of the usual very formal occasions, are rock singers, most of whom strike me as not exactly the gentlemanly type.

Here are some old photos and prints of gentlemen of yester-year, complete with the "there's no school like old school" topper...

Below is Howard Carter, the archaeologist who found King Tut

Oh, and John Hetherington? He was arrested, fined 50 pounds, a huge pile 'o money back then, and a law was passed that forbade anyone from wearing a top hat in public--because nervous people, children, the overly timid, and those with heart conditions and high cholesterol may suffer harm. The rest is history. But can it come back? It's tough enough to bring the everyday Fedora back, not to mention the Bowler...but the topper? Maybe...may...be...