One year ago, a re-post: Christmas on the Front

Trenches in World War I were muddy, messy, dangerous places;  the sort that could cave in, the kind where diseases lurked and bullets whizzed by you from an enemy sometimes as close as 30 yards away.   Just beyond your cozy bunker, bombs were being lobbed into no man's land, or into your trench if it was dug in a bad spot.

But on Christmas night, 1914, along a good portion of the front, the Germans did something a bit unexpected:  They invited the English to join them in no man's land to sing Christmas carols.  Pretty soon both sides were not only singing, but were engaged in fierce matches of soccer.  They shared cigarettes, and showed one another photos of loved ones back home.  It was a moment of sanity and humanity in the midst of horror and, well, insanity.  And it was brought about not by the commanders, but by the guys doing the dirty work, the common soldiers.  Some of the commanders did approve of the festivities, while others were afraid it was allowing the enemy to restructure their defenses.  Maybe other commanders were afraid that peace might break out. 

But it was the right response--gentlemen may be compelled to fight, and they hopefully fight honorably, but a gentleman knows that Christmas is not the time to be fighting.  It's, well, Christmas.  Via Charles Dickens, Scrooge's nephew put it very well indeed:  

"There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say, Christmas among the rest.  But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round--apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that--as a good time:  a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time:  the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!"

With that in mind, please take a listen to one of the best, least played and most under-rated Christmas carols of all time, "Snoopy's Christmas."  It's located at the top right of this page.

A Merry Christmas to you all, and a Happy New Year!

Party Etiquette and the Cliche; things not to do, things not to say

I'm probably "preaching to the choir," but I'm going to "bite the bullet" and "tell it like it is." So, consider this an "FYI" and "man up" (unless you're a woman, in which case, don't). Well, that's a few of the most commonly used cliche phrases anyway. Annoying, isn't it? Most of us let them slip now and again, but as for me, I'm trying to restrict their usage to pointing out how obnoxious over-used phrases can be. I imagine most gentlemen try to avoid them.

Certainly once one becomes aware of cliches--as well as the all too common and lightly muttered pop-psychological insights of wisdom by people who have no concept of how the human mind works--wait now where was I? That's the trouble with sentences that are too long, they lead to forgetfulness and digressions. Ah yes, there's my spot...once you become aware of these trite nuggets you'll start finding them everywhere, and become increasingly de-enamored of them. You'll want to "think outside the box." Then you'll kick yourself for using them. And then you'll start inventing your own clever phrases, which will make you sound creative, intelligent, and interesting. Girls will flock to the gentleman who thus speaks--I know a fellow who was inadvertently calendared to marry 4 girls in one week due to confusion over the amount of ladies willing to marry him and bad organizational habits, and all merely due to his cessation of the phrase "says you," which he replaced with "Would you like me to throw a cat at you?" Not, perhaps, the clearest of expressions, but one understands his meaning and gives him an A+ for creativity and an A for his knowledge of the use of felines in thwarting unwanted repartee (that's another post though).

But what, you ask, does that have to do with party etiquette? Nothing, not directly anyway; though an overuse of the phrase "I wish we could get the dwarfs to shave their legs, but how often did Abe Lincoln sit on an upright tooth-pick anyway" started several small wars, the advent of the modern donut shop and Einstein's theory of special and general relativity.

So, dinner parties. It's the "holiday season" and everyone's either hosting a party or attending one. Besides inventing some snappy new phrases for the occasion, there's one particular bit of etiquette that's too frequently being hurled off the ship of gentlemanly and lady-like behavior: The art of bringing a gift to the host and/or hostess.

A gift you can always bring (unless the hosts are teetotalers): It's always a good thing to bring your host(s) a bottle of wine, beer if you know they like beer, or some good gin/vodka/bourbon/tequila. Depending on the circs, this may be something they save for another time (if they're not close friends/family this is common) or that they may want to open and enjoy with you. Don't be offended if it's not opened at the party--it's a gift, and meant to be enjoyed at their leisure; let the hosts decide.

Another gift you can always bring (unless they have allergies): Flowers. Tough to go wrong there, unless the host is a bachelor; if the host is a woman or a married couple, flowers are great. If the lady is single (or married and hosting a party on her own for some reason), take care that the flowers are not taken amiss as a sign of unwanted or inappropriate affection.

A gift not to bring (unless asked): Food. If the host(s) asks you to bring something, go ahead. If not, there's always the risk that you're imposing on their plans, or that you might bring something they don't want to touch with a 9 foot Q-tip.

Something to never, never, never do because it's astoundingly rude and will display your poor taste and cad-like behavior for all to see: Whatever you bring, to whomever you bring it, whether they're close family/friends or mere acquaintances, never take back your gift! Is the wine unopened, the beer un-enjoyed, the flowers sitting sans vase on the kitchen counter? Leave them! But here we come across what can be a vexing situation: Does your host ask you to take the gift back with you since it was unused (I do not say the host should do this, but it could happen possibly if the people are very close friends or family)? If so, the proper thing to do is to decline:  "Oh no, that's for you to enjoy whenever you wish." If the host says, "No really," say, "No please, it's a gift." If the host asks a third time or pushes the gift into your hands and hurls you out the front door, take it. But give them at least 2 chances to keep your gift--the host might be making the offer merely to be polite. Still, if at all reasonably possible, do not take your wine/beer/gin/flowers back home with you. Now, it does happen at family feasts that the food is portioned out, and this is legit (ditto for flowers if the host wishes it). But even then, this does not, in my opinion, apply to items such as bottles of anything (opened or not)--a bottle of drink is always understood to be a gift for the host.

I should add that such rude behavior should be interpreted in the best possible light. Many of us grew up learning proper etiquette, others of us learned later in life, and lots of people never learned at all, or simply have a dulled sense of what is proper due to this insane world we live in where good behavior is tossed aside like rubbish, and at best bad behavior is winked at with an indulgent eye by many.

And now, go "party like it's 1999!"

Toodle-pip, Happy Thanksgiving, and an early Merry Christmas!

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Most of you have probably heard this phrase, as uttered by that intrepid, tough, red-blooded American chap who could actually prove he was born in the USA and who even grew up here: Obama!  Ah, no, sorry, got my notes mixed up. Right, here's the bird: Teddy Roosevelt!

Well, if you've ever wished you had a large stick with which to clobber over-bearing dogs or people, have I got good news for you!

But first, let's define the terms. When we say "walking stick" what do we mean? Here are 3 examples of what we are not talking about:

The first two, of course, are excellent choices if one is elderly or infirm.  The third is also an excellent choice if one is elderly and infirm and also the size of an ant.  Granted, the third option is a remote contingency, but one can never be too careful.  Be prepared for every eventuality, that's what I say; it's always the thing you don't expect to happen that often happens.  

Here is what we are talking about (the following walking sticks and lots more types can be found at www.irishwalkingsticks.com:

For the country or a walk at the park:

For an evening in the city:

For weather of the damper variety:

For every day elegance (the handle on this one is 14k gold plate; they have handles on some sticks that are solid 14k gold):

Now I know, as many of you no doubt do as well, that the recent prevailing trend has been that walking sticks of almost any sort, except for the first three listed in this post, are reserved for the more eccentric of gentlemen.  The only exception has been the country walking stick, where one is liable to encounter over-friendly creatures that want to maim an innocent fellow taking an innocent walk.  Of course, one could almost add the long handled umbrella as an acceptably "non-eccentric' walking stick as well, but at least from what I've seen, I'm the only one who thus employs it in our fair city.  


So what to do?  How is it that such an awesome looking and truly practical accessory such as the walking stick has fallen not only into disuse, but into that terrible pit where splendid, classic gentlemanly wares sometimes end their days, a category known as "the terrible pit where splendid, classic gentlemanly wares sometimes end their days."  In this pit are such items as the top hat and, yes, the walking stick.  And yet I dare say the walking stick is more able to hold it's own as a daily article than the top hat.  

In fact, the walking stick is not only more likely than the top hat to make a resurgence as a commonly used item, it is an item that I think ought to, well, resurge.  Why ought it resurge?  I think the whole thing is rather like the Fedora situation.  Hats, perhaps especially the Fedora, are indeed being seen again with frequency, crawling out of above mentioned pit with steel resolution.  The Fedora was perfectly set for such a comeback for a variety of reasons:  it has no specific niche, so it's a great every day hat, working with nice casual ensembles as well as pretty darn snappy ensembles; it has real style; Indiana Jones wears one.  The walking stick has its own reasons for exiting the pit of sartorial doom:  the walking stick, too, conveys real style; one can whack badly behaved animals and people; one can easily push aside brush and tree branches in the woods; it gives some extra support to the legs and back; Indiana Jones wears one. 


But the biggest objection to the walking stick is, "I'll look like an old man, or an invalid."  Well now, does Bertram Wooster look like an old man or invalid with his walking stick?  Does Sherlock Holmes?  The fact is, you can tell when someone has a walking aid as opposed to a walking stick, not only because of the style being employed, as is often the case, but by a fellow's gait: A lad jauntily bounding down a city street or country field with stick in hand is a far cry from either the old or young invalid. 

And like many things, it's seen as eccentric merely because it's so little employed; and that is, to my mind at least, an absurd reason to avoid something with as much panache, dernier cri and commonsensical handiness as the walking stick. 


Finally, we would be remiss if we didn't include the ladies.  Here is a smashing example from 1922 of a lady with an exceedingly practical version of the walking stick:

All the better because of its non-political correctness:  Yes, it has a flask built into the handle, the better to carry a spot of drink, alcoholic.  They still make these wondrous walking sticks complete with flask, and I have no idea if it's legal to actually carry it about on the streets filled with the real tobasco.  Then again, that wasn't legal in 1922, either.  Anyway, check your local laws before use out of the home.  Or fill it with water.  I know, not the same, is it.

Well, with hidden flask or without, with a hidden sword or umbrella, the walking stick is a magnificent addition to the well-dressed gentleman's wardrobe, an elegant finishing touch.  In closing, here are a few more photographic examples...